


The Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

by kadzubar



Category: Free!
Genre: Crack, Crime Fighting, Gen, Humor, I've been told you apparently can't scoop it out with a spoon, M/M, Out of Character, Rin's life is hard, Sort Of, Tried to be gen, You can just scoop that out with a spoon, a bit of harurin might have slipped in, because and I quote 'Rin is too bloody thristy', but he tries, eventually, so I've adjusted the tags, what're you gonna do eh?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-01-24 23:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21346192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadzubar/pseuds/kadzubar
Summary: In a desperate world, beset by great evil, Sharkboy and Half-Fishman stand ready to defend Iwatobi from the clutches of villainy.…Well, they certainly don’t stand unready, and if villainy did beset Iwatobi they’d definitely, most probably, quite likely be there, ready to kick ass. Or at the very least, prod buttock… but it would be a hard prod, practically a jab really. And at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, isn’t a good poke in the bum really what it’s all about? Metaphorically speaking of course.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin & Nanase Haruka, Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman Part 1

Rin was doing the additional reading for his Japanese literature class when his communicator chirped in his ear. “Sharkboy, Papillon and Emperor Penguin have been spotted in downtown Iwatobi. We need you and Half-Fishman to get down there as soon as possible.”

Rin glared up at his roommate, lounging on the top bunk of their shared bed. “You know we’re in the same room, right? You could just tell me normally. You don’t actually have to use the communicator Every. Single. Time.”

Sousuke brought his wrist communicator up to his mouth.” That’s a negative Sharkboy, who knows what spies might be lurking around just waiting for the opportunity to intercept our comms if I just shouted the mission at you.”

Rin looked pointedly around their small and very empty room. “I can literally hear you talking into your communicator from over here, how is that supposed to stop spies?”

Sousuke ignored him in favour of speaking into the communicator again. “Next train’s in three Sharkboy. You’d better hurry if you don’t wanna wait 20 minutes for the next one.”

“Shit”, Rin grabbed the duffel by the door and ran out of the room at speed.

Nanananananananana

Rin hurled himself into the carriage just as the doors slid shut behind him and doubled over panting. Even with his enhanced speed and stamina, he’d had to stretch himself to run the 2 km to the station and catch the train. As usual, whenever something like this happened, he wished his mother wasn’t such a slicker for the rules and would let him use the Sharkmobile already, instead of making him wait until he was old enough to drive legally.

The communicator chirped in his ear as he was constructing his newest argument for why the age limit really shouldn’t apply to him as a working superhero. “Ri… Sharkboy, Ma.. M here, Ha… Half-Fishman is en-route and will meet you at the usual place.”

Rin tapped his communicator. “Right, I’m on my way, ETA in 15. Any update on what Papillon and Emperor Penguin are doing?”

On the other side of the carriage, a small boy pointed at Rin and asked loudly, “Mamma, why is that oni-san with the shark teeth muttering to himself?”

Nanananananananana

Rin jogged up to the meeting spot to find Haru already there and waiting for him, “Yo, Haru,” he called.

Haru looked up from the magazine he’d been reading. “Hey, crazy oni-san,” he called back with what was (for Haru) practically a grin on his face.

Rin scowled, “oh haha, very funny! It’s easy for you to laugh. Makoto actually makes you sensible equipment. I’ve told Sousuke a million times to disguise my communicator as earbuds but he-”

“I’ll have you know,” Sousuke’s voice crackled through his communicator, “that it takes engineering genius to be able to fit all the necessary components into an earring. Any idiot can put a communicator into a pair of earbuds.”

“Yeah? Well you can take your genius and shove it. I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m crazy.”

“Also calling you crazy,” Haru added helpfully.

Rin heroically ignored this pointless interruption. “I’ll take Makoto’s idiot earbuds over your stupid genius earrings any day of the week.”

“Hey!” Makoto protested half-heartedly.

“And another thing,” Rin said, beginning to pick up steam, “if you’re such a genius, why is the sound quality so bad on these things? I can barely make out who’s talking sometimes.”

“The size-” Sousuke began.

“Umm, guys? I hate to interrupt but, super villains? Terrorising downtown Iwatobi? Remember?”

Crap! Rin decided to save his complaints for the next team meeting and turned towards his partner, “Haru let’s- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

Haru looked back at him calmly, “I can’t transform if I’m wearing my underwear,” he explained patiently, as if Rin was the crazy one for objecting to him flashing his gonads to the world.

“You can’t just strip here! This is a public park! There could be kids around!”

Haru shrugged, “I checked before I took them off.”

“That is SO not the point! Come on!” Rin grabbed the other boy and dragged him to the public toilet (50 meters away!) before one half of their superhero team was arrested for public indecency.

Nanananananananana

“Sharkboy, Half-Fishman,” Sousuke’s voice snapped, crackled and popped in Rin’s ear, “the Aqua Computer is calculating that there’s an 85% chance that Emperor Penguin and Papillon are in Iwatobi Mall right now.”

Rin dodged a sticky pink couple as they ran screaming out of the mall and deftly avoided a sobbing girl dressed in what looked like some kind of avant-garde butterfly leotard. “Wow, 85 whole percent? Good thing we have your super computer to figure it out. We’d never have guessed it from all the screaming people running out of the mall.”

“Yeah, the satellite imagery of all those people was what bumped it up from 70.”

“Your aqua computer sure is amazing,” Rin gasped; clasping his hands together on the minuscule chance that Sousuke’s satellite cameras might actually be useful for once and catch the gesture. “Do you think it can also calculate where my eyeballs are? I rolled them too hard and they fell out of my head.”

“Can confirm that Sharkboy rolled his eyes way too hard,” Haru deadpanned, dropping his chin onto Rin’s shoulder. “But I don’t think you need to waste the aqua computer’s precious processing power on that. I’m pretty sure I saw that stampeding mob over there trample over them 10 seconds ago.”

“Haha, you guys are absolutely hilarious. Are you sure you’re in the right profession? Maybe you should think about taking up a career as a comedy duo instead.”

“Come on guys, don’t be mean. Sousuke’s inventions aren’t all terrible. I mean, other than that time he thought it would be a good idea to freeze knockout gas into ice-cream in the middle of summer, or that time he built a percussion bomb into Rin’s boot, other than that…”

“What about the time he packed itching powder into our parachutes?”

“Well…”

“That was a great idea, and it would have totally worked if the wind hadn’t changed!”

“Um… ex-”

“The fact that we had to depend on the bloody wind direction to not have our own trap blow itching powder all over us should have clued you in on what a crap idea it was!”

“excuse m-”

“What about those fly shaped communicators you made that kept buzzing around Sharkboy’s head?”

“That was a one of my most brilliant inventions! They were perfect. No one ever figured out that they were communicators.”

“That’s because they made people think I had hygiene problems! No one would come near me!”

“Ex- excuse me...”

“And the worst thing was they didn’t even work! I couldn’t even understand what anyone was saying! It was just buzz, buzz, buzzzz!”

“Well, obviously, I had to disguise the sound…”

“EXCUSE ME”

“What!?” Rin and Haru spun around to glare at the idiot who had rudely interrupted their conversation. Or at least Rin did, and Haru turned with him.

The idiot, having apparently used up all of his courage to raise his voice at the arguing superheroes, was cowering away from them with his arms held in front of him as if worried Rin was going to attack him.

“Wooo, good job superheroing that Sharkboy. I’m submitting that as a nomination for best citizen interaction of the year.”

Rin flushed and cleared his throat, “Greetings citizen…”

There were three simultaneous snorts, two in his ears and one into his neck; Rin jostled Haru’s head off his shoulder and tried again. “Hey kid. What do… I mean, do you need help?”

The kid, who actually wasn’t all that young now that Rin got a good look at him, maybe just a bit younger than Rin and Haru, glanced up at Rin and hesitantly straightened up.

Rin immediately revised his opinion of why the kid had been cowering. Maybe he hadn’t been scared of Rin at all; maybe he’d just been trying to cover his horrifyingly hideous outfit. Rin certainly wouldn’t blame him if that was the case. He looked like he was wearing the skinned hide of the unfortunate result of a one night stand between a penguin and a butterfly… which had then been vomited on by a passing glitter filled rainbow.

“Umm, umm, I have a message for you from Emperor Penguin Sir and Papillon Sir…”

Rin at once felt a hundred times worse about shouting at the poor kid. He had victim written all over him. It was no wonder that he was so jumpy.

“It’s ok, just take your time. I know it must have been a scary experience to have been captured by Emperor Penguin and Papillon but you’re safe now, and we’re gonna keep it that way”, he said, smiling reassuringly at the grey haired boy.

The boy blinked his eyes in confusion, “umm.. I… uh…I wasn’t captured…I’m a henchman.”

“….what?”

The self-declared henchman turned bright red under the incredulous looks Rin and Haru were giving him and tried to elaborate. “Umm, I’m a bad guy.”

“A…a villain,” he added, since they seemed to be having trouble wrapping their heads around the concept.

Rin sighed, “Listen kid, what’s your name?”

“My name is Ai -Ai… I mean, I can’t tell you that…”

“Sharkboy,” Haru stage whispered, propping his head back onto Rin’s shoulder, “I think his name might be Ai.”

Rin decided to ignore his completely unhelpful partner in favour of trying to talk sense into the villain wannabe. “Listen, Ai...”

“I... that’s not my name. Why… why would you think that’s my name? My name is- is…not Ai…”

Rin sighed again and ran his hand through his hair in lieu of tearing it out by the roots. Great, he was dealing with a complete dumbass. “Ok. Listen, not Ai…”

The decapitated penguin head on not Ai’s shoulder suddenly squawked to life. “Ai-chaaaaan,” a chirpy voice sinsonged through the creepy unmoving beak, “Have you delivered our message yet?”

Ai-chan blanched at the voice and shot to attention. “I…uh, I'm just delivering the message now, Mr Emperor Penguin Sir.”

“That’s good Ai-chan,” the penguin head said cheerfully, “because you know what happens when people fail me right? And we wouldn’t want that would we?”

“No, absolutely not Mr Emperor Penguin Sir!" Ai-chan squeaked saluting into the air, "I definitely won’t fail you and Mr Papillon Sir.”

“Great! So hurry up and finish so you can come back already, we miss having our Ai-chan around.” The penguin head cut off with a squawk.

Ai-chan had just let his shoulders drop in relief when the head squawked back to life, causing him to stumble over his own feet and fall face first into the ground.

“Oh, I almost forgot, be a dear and drop by Prin Prin Donuts on your way back and get me two dozen of the limited edition strawberry sparkle mega doughnuts, kay? Thanks, bye-bye.” The communication cut off again with another ominous squawk.

“Yes sir, right away sir,” Ai-chan mumbled into the conveniently placed face-rest slash concrete sidewalk.

Rin sighed and reached down to help Ai-chan up. He was technically an enemy, but Rin was really starting to feel sorry for the poor kid.

“Th-thanks”, Ai-chan stammered, a blush staining his cheeks red as Rin grabbed his hand and hauled him to his feet, or it might have just been the blood from his dripping nose.

“Umm, I have to deliver my message now or Emperor Penguin Sir is gonna get really mad and do something terrible to me.”

“Yeah, sure. What’s the message?” Rin passed Ai his emergency pack of tissues.

“Um, they said they’ve been waiting for you for almost an hour already and they’re getting bored. If you don’t show up soon, they’re just gonna detonate the destructo bomb and go home.”

DUN! DUN! DUN!!!!!!

Will Sharkboy and Half-Fishman be able to rescue the citizens of Iwatobi from the nefarious clutches of Emperor Penguin and Papillon?

Will our heroes manage to stop arguing long enough to even reach the villains before they get bored and detonate the destructo bomb?

Will Sousuke ever create an invention that isn’t stupidly impractical?

Tune in next time to find out! In the exciting conclusion of the Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman!

~~~~~

Sooooo, what terrible thing happens to people who fail your boss?

Umm, I don’t really know, but it must be something really bad because no one’s ever come back from it.

Oh yeah? So, a lot of your colleagues have disappeared huh?

I… think so?

What do you mean, ‘you think so’? How can you not know if your fellow henchmen disappeared or not?

Well… I uh… that is, I’ve never actually met any of the other henchmen…I mean, I’m the only one at the moment… but Emperor Penguin Sir told me that something terrible happened to the others for messing up, and he wouldn’t lie right? So it must have been something really awful since I’m the only one left…

….

….

I think you should go find another job.

Yeah, you really, really should.

Umm… can we stop by Prin Prin Donuts first?

…Sure.


	2. Night! In the City

The refrigerator door spun into the mall’s atrium, skidding across the mountain of ice cubes dotted with mini robot penguins and smashed into the energy barrier strategically set just in front of a gaudy purple velvet chaise-lounge. 

“Fuck!” Rin pried his fingers loose from their white-knuckled grip on the plastic egg tray and took an unsteady step off the makeshift toboggan as Haru released his death-grip around Rin’s neck. Behind them Ai-chan weakly vomited on a couple of passing butterfly-winged mini penguins, taking care to avoid the giant box of doughnuts he hugged to his chest.

“Welcome Half-Fishman, Sidekickboy, I am pleased you were finally able to join us.” Papillon said from where he reclined nefariously on the purple monstrosity, wine glass in hand. He pushed his butterfly glasses up his nose at just the right angle for the light to glint off them ominously.

“Thanks for the invite. We would have gotten here sooner but _someone _booby-trapped all the entrances to this place,” Rin said sarcastically, just as his ears caught up with his brain.

“Wait! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! What did you just call me?”

“Hey, Half-Fish-chan. Hey, Sidekick-chan.” Emperor Penguin waved at them cheerfully from where he was sprawled on a huge pile of bean bags next to the sofa.

“I’m so glad you’re here, I was running out of people to shoot at.” He pointed what looked like a jumbo sized water gun at a group of terrified people cowering behind an over-turned snack-cart. 

“Oh! Ai-chan, finally! Gimme my doughnuts!”

“My name” Rin said coldly, “is not Sidekickboy.”

“It’s not?” Papillon asked, pausing in his dramatic wine swirling.

“Itf naut?” Emperor Penguin asked, through a mouthful of doughnut.

“It’s not?” Ai-chan asked, trying to juggle the doughnut box and the huge pink strawberry shake Emperor Penguin had thrust at him while perched precariously on a bright green beanbag.

“It’s not! What the hell gave you the impression that my name is Sidekickboy?”

“Well you do have that big strawberry on your chest with the S on it. That obviously stands for Sidekick. Great taste by the way, strawberries are delicious.” Emperor Penguin grabbed the shake from Ai-chan and took a big sip to illustrate his point.

Rin glared, “This is a stylized shark jaw! That matches my shark themed costume! Because my name is Sharkboy!” 

“Why does your shark jaw have strawberry pips on it?” 

“Those are teeth!”

Emperor Penguin cocked his head to one side and tapped his lips thoughtfully. “Looks like strawberry pips to me.”  
  
“Told you you should have gotten Half-Fishman to redesign your emblem,” Sousuke muttered.

“Sharks have multiple rows of teeth, ok?! And anyway, if you think my emblem looks so much like a strawberry, why don’t you think my name is Strawberryboy?”

Emperor Penguin perked up. “Is it?”

“No!” 

“Now, now, Emperor Penguin, you shouldn’t bully the sartorially challenged.” Papillon inclined his head graciously at Rin. “If Sidekickboy wants to change his name to Sharkboy and attempt to improve his branding as a sidekick we should applaud his efforts. I’m sure he just hasn’t had a chance to switch away from his strawberry theme yet.”

“I am NOT,” Rin gritted out, “a sidekick!”

“But your name has boy in it,” Papillon pointed out reasonably. “It’s only beautiful if Fish_man _is the hero and Shark_boy_ is the sidekick.”

“Yeah, and you carry your boss around on your back all the time,” Emperor Penguin said spinning a doughnut around his finger. “Only low-level minions do that kinda stuff.”

“And umm, you talked to me…”Ai-chan said, blushing red.

“That last one doesn’t even make sense!”

“No, no,” Sousuke said consideringly, “it kinda does. After all, like recognises like, right? And of course, the other two are spot on.”

“Maybe you could think about changing your name?” Makoto suggested.

“I am NOT changing my name.” Rin snapped. “It’s my family’s traditional superhero name!”

“Soooo, your family has a long tradition of superhero side-kicking then?” Sousuke asked innocently.

There was a choked off snort from Makoto.

“You guys do realise I’m definitely going to be kicking your asses later right?”

“Hey, Half-Fishman,” Emperor Penguin called down to Haru, “I think your sidekick might be suffering from delusions of grandeur.”

“It’s true that Sharkboy might be a bit dramatic sometimes…” 

“Keep going and I am never swimming with you again.”

“...but, Sharkboy in the one who taught me what real superheroing is. I never wanted to use my powers for other people, but Sharkboy saved me. He showed me...” Haru’s fingers squeezed Rin’s shoulders, “There’s no one else that could be my partner and equal.”

Rin let out the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. “Half-Fishman, I...Awack!”

“Hey!” Rin shouted from where he’d jumped to avoid the beam that had just punched a neat hole into the floor. “Do you mind? We were having a moment.”

Emperor Penguin waved his laser gun. “You can have a moment on your own time. Papillon-chan and I have been waiting for aaaaaaaaaaages and we’re bored.”

Rin scowled. “You were completely happy to hold off on the whole confrontation thing two seconds ago when you were busy trying to turn me into a sidekick!”

“Yeah but that was fun. This heartfelt stuff is just boring.” 

Rin rolled his eyes. “Ok, ok, fine. Let’s do this then.” 

“Go kick some ass Ai-chan.” Emperor Penguin snatched his drink and the rest of the doughnuts out of his hapless henchman’s hands and kicked Ai-chan’s bean bag down the pile.

“Les Coulisses to me,” Papillon called out. Six people who had apparently been hiding behind Papillon’s lounger sprang up and arranged themselves artistically around him.

“Hey!” Rin shot Ai-chan a reproachful look, “I thought you said you were the only henchman these two had.” 

“I…am?”

“That’s right,” Emperor Penguin agreed. “Ai-chan is our one and only most beloved henchman and gofer.”

“Indeed,” Papillon added. “we prefer quality over quantity.” 

“I think we need to have a serious discussion about how you define quality at some point, but more importantly, there are six people doing gynyu poses right next to you! How are they not henchmen?!” 

“You must be blind,” the lead not-henchman said, voice dripping with scorn. “Can’t you see we’re dressed completely differently from Ai-chan? We’re Les Coulisses, the Papillion fan club!”

“What?! How are you dressed any different?! You’re wearing the exact same ugly outfit as Ai!”

“How rude! Can you please not compare our poor efforts at imitation to Lord Papillon’s brilliant work of art!”

“That is just typical superhero sidekick all over,” another not-henchman sniffed, looking at Rin with disdain. “No artistic discernment whatsoever. I bet he can’t even tell the difference between Permanent Geranium Lake and Bittersweet Shimmer.”

“…Okay, the level of how much I wanna kick your asses just went way up.” Rin cracked his knuckles.

He was about to start towards the bunch of pretentious assholes when his communicator hissed. “Uh, Rin, I don’t think you’re actually allowed to fight the fan club.”

Rin paused. “What? Why not?”

“M is right Sharkboy. Superheroes can’t go around beating up civilians. It’s in the superhero code. If you fight them you’ll be disbarred.” 

“But they’re wearing villain outfits,” Rin objected.

“Technically, I think you’ll find it’s classified as cosplay,” Papillon said smugly.

He twirled his wine glass elegantly through his fingers. “Now that you’ve fallen into my trap, what will you do heroes? Allow yourselves be defeated by Les Coulisses or fight and forever lose your position as superheroes?!” He cackled into his hand dramatically. 

“Are you telling me you actually planned this?” Rin asked incredulously.

Papillon pushed his glasses up his nose. “Of course! After all, I am the Napoleon of crime!” 

He flung out a dramatic arm. “Now, go Les Coulisses!”

At his command, the six fanclub members pulled out an array of butterfly themed weapons and charged the superhero duo.

“I don’t know why so many people call themselves the Napoleon of crime,” Sousuke said as Rin sidestepped the first two henchfans to reach them. “It’s not like he was the greatest criminal of all time or anything.”

Rin kicked away a spiked club aimed at his head as Haru deflected the bo staff that came in from their side.

“I don’t think he’s supposed to be the greatest criminal though,” Makoto said. “The whole point of the ‘of crime’ part is that they’re saying they’re a great strategist like Napoleon but in crime instead of in war.”

Rin dropped to the ground to avoid a wild sword swing and swept the wielder’s legs out from under her. Haru used a water blast to knock the sword into a nearby stack of boxes. 

“Point, but _was _Napoleon actually that good at military strategy? I mean, he famously lost. Why don’t people call themselves the Wellington of crime? He’s the one who won.”

“Guys! Can we please focus over here?” Rin blocked a flurry of blows from a pair of spiked gauntlets. “S, what does the code say about just sort of gently knocking these guys out and tying them up?”

“No can do Sharkboy. Section 7, subsection 9, clause 4 of the superhero’s code says, and I quote: Any hero who uses physical means to harm or restrain a civilian in any way whatsoever shall instantly have his or her hero status revoked and shall henceforth be barred from any further superhero activity.” 

“They are literally attacking us at this very moment!” Rin tilted his head to avoid a strike from the staff then grabbed it and swung, sending its user crashing into the fan with the tonfas. “With spiky, pointy, sharp objects! How can they possibly still be classified as civilians?!”

Haru knocked aside the sai that came flying at them with another water blast. “S, what does the code say about non-physical means?”

Even through the crappy speakers on his communicator Rin could hear the grin. “Not a damned thing. Feel free to go wild Half-Fishman.”

“Not too wild though, ok Haru? I mean they are still civilians after all.”

If both Rin’s hands hadn’t been busy fending off a spirited attempt to take off his head by two of the more competent members of the fanclub, he would have slapped one of them over his eyes. Sometimes Makoto was way too soft. 

Haru raised his arm and Rin felt a sudden chill as all the moisture was abruptly sucked out of the surrounding air to coalesce around the heads of each member of Les Coulisses. The pseudo-henchpeople dropped their weapons to grab at their faces, flailing around in panic as their air supply was suddenly cut off.

Sousuke whistled, “Wow, Half-Fishman. No wonder you’re the hero and Sharkboy’s the sidekick.”

“Nooo!” Papillon screamed. He fell to his knees and shook his fists in the air as his fans collapsed around him. “Curse you for foiling my perfect plan Half-Fishman!”

“Oh come on, the code is total BS! And that was a hundred times worse than what I would have done. How come Half-Fishman can half drown them and probably scar them for life, and I can’t even give them a light tap? How was that not a violation?!”

Rin could practically see Sousuke’s shrug. “That’s what happens when the rules committee is made up of 90% ability users.”

“I am so putting in a formal complaint about this later,” Rin muttered.

He looked up at the one remaining supervillain that wasn’t cradling his downed subordinates and reciting a tragic soliloquy. “So? Are we done yet?” 

“Oh no!” Emperor Penguin sat up and clapped his hands to his cheeks in mock horror. “You defeated Papillon’s fanclub! Now what will we do?”

He pulled a remote control out of a voluminous pocket and flourished it dramatically. “I guess it’s your turn MechaPingu-chan!” 

He pressed the big red button on the remote, and the pile of bean bags under him began to shake, tumbling down to reveal a ten-foot tall mechanical penguin in a jewelled bikini.

Haru sucked in a sharp breath next to Rin’s ear. Rin groaned.

“Sharkboy, can we-”

“No.”

“But-”

“No!”

“How about-” 

“We are not bringing that thing back with us I don’t care how cute you think it is!”

Haru heaved a sigh as if Rin was being completely unreasonable for not wanting to bring a giant mechanical penguin created by a supervillain back to their base. “You’d better put me down,” he said reluctantly. “MechaPingu-chan looks a lot tougher than the fanclub.” 

Rin slid over to a nearby pillar and unbuckled the harness to let Haru down. He was just about to turn back to face the mecha when Haru clutched at his arm. “Sharkboy, wait!” He said almost desperately.

“Ye-yeah?” Rin’s heart did a strange little flip.

“Sharkboy,” Haru breathed, gazing into Rin’s eyes intently, “I forgot to bring my camera. Can I borrow yours?”

“…”

“Here.” Rin pulled off his visor and passed it over to his partner. “Just don’t get so distracted taking pictures that you forget to back me up.” 

Haru shot him a thumbs-up, already busy taking pictures of the posing mecha.

Rin rolled his eyes, looked like he was on his own. Oh well, he could at least use the penguin’s inexplicable willingness to indulge Haru’s bad taste as a distraction. He gathered his energy and sprang up, sending his foot crashing into the mecha’s head just as it leaned forward into the iconic Marilyn Monroe pose. Rin grinned as he felt the metal crumple under his foot. He used the momentum of his kick to flip off the penguin and send a flurry of blows into its torso before landing on the ground.

“Hey!” Emperor Penguin exclaimed indignantly. “ You can’t just sucker-kick MechaPingu-chan while we’re on a photo-shoot break! That is so rude and unsuperheroey!”

“Yeah? Well according to you I’m just a sidekick. I gotta take any advantage I can get don’t I?” Rin shook his arms, trying to get the feeling back into his hands. Damn, that penguin’s body was hard.

Emperor Penguin narrowed his eyes. “Fine! If that’s how you wanna play it. MechaPingu-chan, activate ultra-pretty laser death wing mode!”

Emperor Penguin jumped off the mecha’s shoulder and retreated to what was left of his pile of bean bags. From MechaPingu-chan’s back a pair of what looked like jewelled filigree butterfly wings unfurled.

In his ear, Rin heard a gasp. The jewels spun and oriented themselves to point straight at Rin. “Sharkboy, are-” 

“Still no!” Rin snapped as he leaped out of the way of a concentrated stream of colorful laser fire. 

“But she’s so beautiful,” Haru said as Rin flipped around the room leaving a trail of smoking holes in his wake. 

“_She_is beautifully trying to blast a hole in my head with a hundred laser beams. Does that mean nothing to you?!” 

“She does it so prettily,” his supposed partner sighed. “Maybe I could get her over to our side if I offered her some mackerel. Penguins love fish.” 

“It’s a mecha. It doesn’t eat fish!” Rin abruptly reversed course and dashed towards the penguin, closing in before the targeting system could readjust. He managed to get in a couple of kicks before using the giant flipper that came swatting at him as a springboard to vault away from the beam that sizzled through the air where his head had been. 

“Actually MechaPingu-chan does eat fish,” Emperor Penguin called from his bean bag pile. “I had Papillon-chan specially put in a fish to energy converter.” 

He flicked a switch on his remote control, causing a pale pink energy field to appear around him. “MechaPingu-chan activate 360 defense.” 

The jewels in the mecha’s wings began to spin, indiscriminately sending out a barrage of laser fire around the mechanical bird. 

Fuck! Rin braced himself and hoped his natural resilience would let him take the attack without too much damage. Just before the hail of bolts hit, Rin was enveloped by a watery blue bubble.

The force of the blast still sent Rin crashing backwards into the pillar next to Haru’s which promptly collapsed on top of him. Rin made a mental note to have someone check the structural integrity of the building later, maybe all those booby-traps had weakened it. He was pretty sure pillars shouldn’t just collapse like that. He pulled himself out of the rubble and shuffled over to Haru, plopping himself down next to the half-fishman to consolidate the shields Haru was maintaining.

“Well that sucked. I barely made a dent in that thing. Any ideas on how to stop it before Half-Fishman runs out of energy for his shields?”

“Yeah, so while you were out there playing tag, the aqua computer finished its analysis. MechaPingu-chan’s power core is in its upper chest area. All you have to do is break through its bikini armor and smash the core and that should take it out.”

“That’s a lot easier said than done. Did you see how hard it’s armor is? It’s not like I was trying not to hurt the damned thing.”

“Sharkboy.” Haru laid his hand on Rin’s arm.

Rin frowned. “The last time we did that you almost died.”

Haru squeezed Rin’s arm briefly. “That was a fluke, I’ll be more careful this time… besides, we don’t have any other choice.”

“Half-Fishman is right Sharkboy, and you said it yourself, the shields aren’t gonna last forever. Half-Fishman, will you be able to keep the shields up after?”

Haru hesitated for a moment. “After Sharkboy bites me I can probably keep up two shields for about twenty seconds.”

“Right, ok then-”

“No! Not right!” Rin pushed himself off the pillar to glare at Haru. “You, me and the hostages, that’s three shields not two!”

Haru blew out an annoyed breath and crossed his arms over his chest, “MechaPingu-chan will be concentrating on you. Maintaining a shield for myself would just be a waste of energy.”

“Don’t gimme that crap,” Rin snapped. “If you can’t maintain three shields then the shield you drop will be mine. I’ll be boosted by your blood as well as my natural toughness. I’ll be fine for twenty seconds.”

Haru bristled. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’d be running straight into laser fire with no protection.”

Rin scowled right back. “Well, its a lot less stupid than letting a half-fishman _with no legs and on the verge of passing out_ get hit by a stray bolt!” 

“You-”

“Guys! Please, this is no time to argue… Haru _could _you keep up three shields?” 

“Of course-”

_“Without _pushing yourself too far.”

Haru frowned, then looked away muttering reluctantly, “I’d probably only be able to keep them up for half the time… maybe less.”

“Ok. Rin?”

Rin flashed Haru his cockiest grin. “ten seconds? I can take that mecha down in five.” 

Looking at Rin, Haru’s lips quirked up. “Five huh? That’s pretty confident of you.”

“You know it baby.”

“Fine, three shields then, but don’t come crying to me if your screw up and get a face full of laser.”

Rin sudden knew that there was no way they were going to lose, not when he and Haru were going to be combining their powers. He could feel his grin stretching even wider as he looked at his partner. “You know that’s not gonna happen.”

The corners Haru’s lips crept up ever so slightly higher in response to Rin’s grin. He settled himself more comfortably against the pillar he was leaning on and pulled down the collar of his costume to expose the slim line of his neck.

Rin got up on one knee next to Haru and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and centered himself, burning into his mind what he was going to have to do. Once they started, there would be no more time for thinking.

When he opened them again he could see a determination that matched his own in Haru’s eyes.

“Ready?” Haru asked.

Rin nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Placing one hand on Haru’s shoulder and cradling his cheek with the other, Rin gently lowered his lips to the exposed curve of Haru’s neck. When he felt Haru’s hand come up to grip his wrist and squeeze, he bit. Thick, salty, coppery blood rushed into his mouth and with it came the surge of power that always accompanied it. Almost against his will, he sucked harder, chasing the feeling of power as if flooded his limbs.

The moment Haru dropped his hand, he released his hold and spun.

One

He caught a glimpse of a deathly pale face and lips pressed tightly into a determined line as he launched himself towards the mecha. No time to check and see if Haru was ok, he could only trust in his partner and finish this as quickly as possible.

Two

Halfway there and the jewels had reoriented to concentrate their beams on Rin. The shots splattered off the shield, raining indiscriminate laser fire across the room. Rin narrowed his eyes grimly. Haru bloody well better be keeping up a shield on himself or he’d kill him himself when this was all over.

Three

Rin threw himself into the air, concentrating as much energy as he could into the kick aimed at the mecha’s armored bikini.

Four

The reinforced metal buckled but refused to give way. Rin grabbed the flipper that came at him and used it to swing himself around, building momentum for another kick.

Five

The second kick cracked the armor but Rin was caught off guard by the rocket fist that blasted out of the Penguin’s flipper and smashed him into the ground.

Six

His shield wavered as he launched himself back up. Fuck! He threw everything he had into a final punch.

Seven

The shield shivered and collapsed as his fingers wrapped themselves around the glowing core. The lasers caught his square in the chest, flinging him away from the penguin and tearing the core out with him.

“Sharkboy!”

“Rin!”

Rin winced as the simultaneous shouts fed-back a high pitched whine into his ear.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine," Rin wheezed from the nice comfortable crater he was resting in. “Piece of cake.”

“You were two seconds over,” Haru said.

Rin grinned as the feeling of relief flooded through him. “Yeah? Well, you were three under.”

“MechaPingu-chan!” Emperor Penguin screamed, running to the downed penguin mecha.

“I can’t believe you killed MechaPingu-chan! And you even destroyed her bikini! Murderer! Pervert!” He threw himself on the ground and rolled around shrieking. “Help! Pervert! Murderer! Sharkboy is a murdering rapist!”

Rin groaned and sat up, bits of masonry tumbling off him. “Look, if you didn’t want me to do that, maybe next time don’t put the core in its boobs.” 

Emperor Penguin stopped screaming and picked himself up off the floor.

“Of course I’d do that,” he said, dusting himself off. “After all, heroes are supposed to be gentlemen. They’re not supposed to sexually assault people. I didn’t realize you were a pervert. Hey Half-Fishman, did you know that your sidekick’s a perv? You should really do something about that. It’s totally bad for your public image.” He sat down on the broken remains of MechaPingu-chan and scanned the room.

“Ai-chan! Heyyyy, Ai-channnn! Where are you? Come here. I need youuuu.” 

Ai-chan crawled out from under a mess of overturned plant boxes and tottered over to his boss.

“Here Ai-chan.” Emperor Penguin pushed a penguin plush into the hapless henchman’s arms and shoved him out into the middle of the floor. “Go avenge your junior!”

Rin raised an eyebrow. Really? As if quite possibly the saddest henchman in the world could take them down when the laser shooting mecha hadn’t. Ai wasn’t even doing anything, just standing there and looking at the stupid doll with a confused expression on his face as the big red timer in its chest counted down the seconds.

Wait… timer? 

Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Rin charged the clueless idiot clutching the bomb to his chest like a safety blanket and snatched it out of his arms with one hand while throwing the dumbass with the survival instincts of a lemming as far back as he could with the other.

He checked the panel as he took off running. Crap! Only four seconds left. He’d used up most of his energy in the fight. There wouldn’t be enough time to get clear of the mall and let the bomb go off somewhere safe. 

There was only one thing he could do. He angled his dash for the clearest area he could reach, and as the seconds ticked down to zero, he threw himself to the ground trapping the doll between his body and the tiled floor and prayed that his shark enhanced frame- reinforced with Haru’s blood, would be enough to suppress the blast.

The explosion slammed into him like a full-body punch, ripping through the protection of his suit. Rin gasped and struggled to breathe through uncooperative lungs, the melted fabric of his suit dragging at his skin as his chest heaved. He tried to leverage himself on to his back but his arm gave way under him with a sickening crack, skidding across the wet surface as he tried to put weight on it.

Past the ringing in his ears, he heard running footsteps, and then there was a familiar presence by his side. 

“Rin!” Haru carefully rolled Rin onto his back and smoothed the matted hair off his forehead.

“Haru.” Rin tried to open his eyes, but his lids felt as heavy as lead, gluing his eyes shut. “Is… is everyone ok?”

“Yeah, everyone’s alright.”

“That’s good.” Rin smiled past the metallic taste thick on his tongue. 

“Rin.” Rin felt his partner half lift him and pull him into his lap, cradling him to Haru’s chest. 

“Haru.” Rin coughed weakly, “I…it’s alright… if this is how I go… I’m just glad everyone’s safe. I don’t… it doesn’t even really hurt.” 

“Sharkboy,” his partner said softly as he gently stroked Rin’s face. “Sharkboy, you’re all right, it was just a paint bomb.” 

“…Oh.” Rin blinked his eyes, they opened easily once Haru had wiped away the sticky paint from his face, and sat up, or at least he tried to, his attempt was hampered by the arms that suddenly tightened around him keeping him firmly anchored to Haru’s lap.

“Uh, Fishman? You can let me up now.” Rin said, trying to push himself up awkwardly.

“No,” Haru said firmly. “I don’t want to let you go.”

Rin’s heart stuttered in his chest. “…why not?”

“I had to transform to come over to you and now that weird girl that keeps following us around everywhere is giving me some really intense looks.” Haru said. He pulled Rin even closer as the hostages began to congregate around them now that the villains had run off and the danger seemed to be past.

“Oh,” Rin said.

“Oohhh”, echoed Sousuke and Makoto.

“See, this is why you should’ve made Half-Fishman’s outfit out of the renaylon I developed for the superhero costumes.”

“I was going to… I just thought I’d try to iron out some of the kinks first.” 

“What kinks? My design is perfect- super strong, super durable, self-healing and instantly able to split and join together so Half-Fishman doesn’t need to run around half-naked whenever he transforms anymore!”

“Well, I mean, there is the fact that it dissolves in water…” 

“That’s hardly a problem! When was the last time Sharkboy and Half-Fishman had to do anything in water.”

“Three days ago… but also, that paint bomb did just melt off half Rin’s suit…”

“Well, who uses water-based paints anyway-”

Rin decided to ignore the useless background chatter in favour of a much more pressing issue. “So, right now, am I… I’m lying on your naked… you know what? Don’t tell me, I really don’t want to know.”

“Of course not,” Haru said primly. “I’m holding you up over it. I don’t want to get squashed.”

Rin groaned. “Fishman, what did I just say about not telling me things?”

Nanananananananana

“Hey, you guys made the front page.”

“Really?” Rin perked up, maybe he was finally getting the respect he deserved. “Give it here, I wanna see.”

He snatched the paper that Sousuke chucked at his head out of the air and opened it eagerly to reveal the headline ‘Half-Fishman assaulted by sidekick!’ and a half-page spread of him biting Haru’s shoulder.

“What the-”

“Yeah,” a fly buzzed next to his ear, “you probably shouldn’t have told that Half-Fishman fangirl to step off your man. Her father runs the local paper.”

Rin snatched the fly out of the air and smashed it against his desk. It made a satisfying electronic crunch under his hand.

“Hey!” Sousuke objected from across the room. “I just fixed that.”

~~~

Sharkboy Sir! Sharkboy Sir!

Oh, hey Ai. What’s up.

Ummm…umm, I have something for you.

Ok, let’s see…

Name: Nitori Aiichiro

Age: 16

Talents: Blindly following orders, running errands 

Previous occupation: Evil henchman…

Sooo, you’re giving me this because why? 

Umm, I... that is, I um, IwannaapplytobeyoursidekickSharboysir.

... sorry, what?

Umm, I wanna apply to be your sidekick, Sharkboy Sir.

…Do I wanna know why?

Because… because, you risked your life to save me! If you hadn’t been there I would have died.

Well actually, it was just a paint bomb. You would have been fine...probably. 

But you didn’t know that at the time. You were going to sacrifice your life for mine!

Well, I mean, there were a lot of other people there besides you...

I’ve even thought up a great sidekick name for myself. Do you wanna hear it?

I definitely feel like I’m going to regret this but ok, shoot.

I’m gonna be Sharkboyboy!

...What?

Sharkboyboy! It's like Sharkboy but with an extra boy at the end! That way, everyone will know you’re the superhero and I’m the sidekick, and no one will ever mistake you for the sidekick again! 

...Right, that’s it. I’m definitely changing my name.

Oh... in that case, can I-

No!

...ok.

~~~

**Other titles in the Sharkboy and Half-Fishman series**

The Continuing Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

The Further Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: The College Years

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman at the Olympics

I was a perfectly ordinary Olympic athlete slash secret super-hero until I was hit by a truck and sent to another world, and now I have to defeat the demon lord to get back to my half-fish partner and Olympic rival

The Final Adventure of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

The New Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman the Legend Continues

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman Beyond

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: Beating a Dead Horse

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: The Comic

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: Rin’s Secret Diary

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: Haru’s Secret Diary

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman Pay the Rent

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: 2Fish 2Furious

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: Artistic integrity… is that some kind of food? 

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman at Sea

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman in Space

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman in a Moderately Sized Room

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: Another Cheap Cash Grab

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman go back to the Olympics

Sharkboy and Half-Fishman: The Last Ikhthys

The Death of Sharkboy and Half-Fishman

Makoto and Sousuke


End file.
